It is almost a universal knowledge that dominants expect their submissives to be honest with them. There is a real push to have complete openness and honesty in a BDSM relationship. There is no doubt that an open mind and heart can help make sure that all people in the relationship are getting what they want and need. Also it is said that submissives need to be forthcoming, which is generally harder because submissives tend to keep things to themselves if they feel it will affect their relationship, cause punishment for bad behavior or may ruin an experience.
I’ve read places that dominants are not held by the same requirement. What do you think? Should dominants also be honest with their partners? Should there be some level of secrecy in the dominant’s role?
The dominant should be every bit as open, honest and forthcoming as he expects his submissive to be, and even more. I would suspect that there are times where the dominant might tend to keep things to themselves if they feel it will affect their relationship, just as the submissive might. Some times dominants feel that questions from the submissive challenge their authority.
Obviously things are withheld that help promote mystery and suspense, like about what will happen next? and such questions; but these relatioships, like any other will only grow and benefit from open, clear and complete communication.
David
February 7th, 2008
we give to our Dom our trust. It is a very fragile and sacred thing… and when broken it may never be able to be fixed. I once left a long relationship because I discovered the half-truths that had been witheld from me under the guise of not causing me ‘unneccesary grief’. we are strong, and if we are not strong you should help us become stronger… that can’t happen if you shelter us. Complete and total honesty…always..for better or worse…should be required.
arielle
March 8th, 2008
Doms expect total honesty - that is as widely known as you say. But in order to receive it, the sub must be certain her Dom has her best interest at heart, that she is safe with him, physically, mentally and emotionally… How can she get that certainty if the Dom is not equally honest?
(I’m using feminine just b/c I’m speaking from my own perspective; of course this isn’t gender specific)
Vestri
April 2nd, 2008
without complete honesty no relationship can survive (not in the literal sense), and a D\s or M\s relationship it is more so. And if either the Dom or sub is not brutally honest with each other it might end up becoming a bottleneck suffocating the entire effort. So it is extremely important as a Dom myself that I set up an example and be the role model. So as a Dom I can’t hide behind any
excuses and pretenses.
kramasha
June 3rd, 2008