What are your thoughts regarding those who primarily are attracted to BDSM because of its “transgressive” nature? Are dominants who embrace BDSM more as a fun, taboo way to explore sexuality any less authentic than those who have committed to the philosophy of BDSM/ base their relationships on power exchange regardless of the sexual elements?

Ownership is entitlement, but the entitlement brings responsibility. A responsibility that should be more than do no harm. 

If you are going to take ownership, what responsibilities do you feel you assume?

Does your care result in a sub/slave who also feels a sense of entitlement?

Do you think that subs confuse submission with love? Is it possible to need to submit because love is there? Is it possible to love someone because they submit?

Do you think Doms confuse Dominance with love? Is it possibl to need to be dominant because love is there? Is it possible to love someone because you control them?

With the new year approaching it may be time to consider how you want to ring in NEXT YEAR. What can you work on this coming year that will improve your self awareness, your talents or your relationship? Make a plan to change or enhance one thing about yourself. Make this new year about a new focus; yourself.

In a previous post you decided on a couple characteristics that you’d like to develop further as  you grow as a Dominant. Continuing on that subject this post is going to focus on following through on your plans.

Bring out your action plan and begin putting it into action. Remember this is your personal plan so changes in your partner are not what this is about. (If you need help coming up with the action plan, go back and read the previous post.)

Go step by step and practice what you’d like to improve. You do not need to go full steam ahead right at first. For example, if your action plan involves learning Florentine flogging, you won’t go right out and start swinging 2 floggers. Learn and strengthen your single flogging method first, strengthen your non-dominant arm, go to classes and get one on one assistance to learn the right way to do this.

Write about each step as you progress, making sure to note what other things you may have missed in your action plan that you now need to include. Make these minor steps part of your plan in progress. All of these will improve your character, behavior or technique

In the previous post we pulled together a list of activities, behaviors and characteristics that we have as dominants. In this list we identified (hopefully) which ones we’d like to develop further. The next step is setting up a plan of action to strengthen these characteristics. Analyzing moderate steps to the ultimate goal will help you grow slowly and achieve more balance.

Let’s take a basic task for an example. Say you want to improve your behavior surrounding how you dole out punishments. You’d like to be more focused and ultimately be able to express forgiveness more fully when the punishment is complete. You’ve found that this final stage has been difficult for you in previous situations and you’d like to be able to develop it better.

1. The first step may be to show firmness when handing down punishment and not wavering if there is struggle with your submissive in accepting this punishment.
2. The next step could be actually completing said punishment. It could be from making sure the task is performed successfully to providing they physical punishment yourself. There should be control in this action.
3. Next you want to be able to convey forgiveness to your submissive for their actions and the success of completing the punishment.
4. Lastly you need to forgive them and move on. The situation is over and should not be brought up again.

In this way you can see that each step brings you closer to how you’d like to behave and how your character will develop as you reach each step.

Take one of the activities, characteristics or behaviors you’d like to develop further and set up your own steps for development. Make them as concise as you possibly can. We’ll begin following and reporting on your progress in future posts.

You’ve come to a time in your Dominant development where you feel that you have nothing else to expand on and your abilities are as developed as you can get them. Where do you go from here? Do you concede that you just can’t do any more within the extent of your mind or emotions?

Not exactly. Exploring limits is not just for the submissive. A dominant has just as much ability to expand and develop as a submissive. You can be more than you are. It takes effort and it takes a desire to see yourself as more than you are.

Say for example that you aren’t content with yourself; that your control over your submissive has leveled out, things are going well but you want to do more, s/he has expressed a desire to go further but you just don’t know how. How do you get started in your own development?

The next few posts will be about finding the next step and taking it.

With every step you can find more about yourself that you can develop and work towards another dominant version of yourself. This is not a course to change who you are; it is a way to open up your vision to see who you already are. To develop yourself further.

First lets think about why you feel stuck. Trust me, everyone has times like this. You may even be depressed about it. You may think that you aren’t really dominant and that this lifestyle isn’t for you. It could also be a turning point in your relationship.

When did you begin to feel stuck in a rut?

Where are you in your dominance?

Try this writing exercise:

Write down on paper the traits and descriptions of what you do now that make you a dominant. List activities you do as well as behaviors you have adopted. Star the ones that you feel are well developed and you have a good handle on. Take a look at the ones that do not have stars on them. Answer the following questions:

1. What items on the list do you feel need to be developed more?
2. How would these items enhance your strengthen your current relationship or character?
3. Where could you get advice, knowledge or information about developing these skills?

1. How do you express your disappointment with your partner? Has it ever led to anger?
2. How do you deal with your anger?
3. Whether it is directed or a result of something within your relationship or if it is outside forces, how do you release that anger?

I’m a talker. Others are silent introspective. I know still others that have to by physical in either exercise or sex. Everyone has their ways of dealing with anger.

I read an interesting post the other day about the administration of pain and the sadistic dominant’s desire to inflict pain on the submissive. His exact question is: “Does a dominant want to hurt his submissive?” I was going to include my thoughts here for a moment, but I find that I don’t want to influence any one else’s.

In thinking about this question try to join your thoughts with why you are or are not a sadist.

• How does a dominant enhance the sensation of pain a submissive would feel?
• What are your favorite forms of pain to inflict?
• Describe what goes on in your mind during a pain session.

It is almost a universal knowledge that dominants expect their submissives to be honest with them. There is a real push to have complete openness and honesty in a BDSM relationship. There is no doubt that an open mind and heart can help make sure that all people in the relationship are getting what they want and need. Also it is said that submissives need to be forthcoming, which is generally harder because submissives tend to keep things to themselves if they feel it will affect their relationship, cause punishment for bad behavior or may ruin an experience.

I’ve read places that dominants are not held by the same requirement. What do you think? Should dominants also be honest with their partners? Should there be some level of secrecy in the dominant’s role?