The Thinking Dominant http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com Growth Through Mental Exercise Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:00:58 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 en Top Tens http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/07/01/top-tens/ http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/07/01/top-tens/#comments Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:00:58 +0000 Thinking Dom http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/?p=38
  • Top 10 things I really enjoy doing in a scene as a top.
  • Top 10 things you worry about going wrong during a scene.
  • Top 10 things you want your bottom to do during a scene.
  • Top 10 things play things you want to master for scenes.
    • ]]>     http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/07/01/top-tens/feed/     Development Plan of Action http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/06/17/development-plan-of-action/ http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/06/17/development-plan-of-action/#comments Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:00:53 +0000 Thinking Dom http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/?p=37 In the previous post we pulled together a list of activities, behaviors and characteristics that we have as dominants. In this list we identified (hopefully) which ones we’d like to develop further. The next step is setting up a plan of action to strengthen these characteristics. Analyzing moderate steps to the ultimate goal will help you grow slowly and achieve more balance.

    Let’s take a basic task for an example. Say you want to improve your behavior surrounding how you dole out punishments. You’d like to be more focused and ultimately be able to express forgiveness more fully when the punishment is complete. You’ve found that this final stage has been difficult for you in previous situations and you’d like to be able to develop it better.

    1. The first step may be to show firmness when handing down punishment and not wavering if there is struggle with your submissive in accepting this punishment.
    2. The next step could be actually completing said punishment. It could be from making sure the task is performed successfully to providing they physical punishment yourself. There should be control in this action.
    3. Next you want to be able to convey forgiveness to your submissive for their actions and the success of completing the punishment.
    4. Lastly you need to forgive them and move on. The situation is over and should not be brought up again.

    In this way you can see that each step brings you closer to how you’d like to behave and how your character will develop as you reach each step.

    Take one of the activities, characteristics or behaviors you’d like to develop further and set up your own steps for development. Make them as concise as you possibly can. We’ll begin following and reporting on your progress in future posts.

    ]]>     http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/06/17/development-plan-of-action/feed/     New Edition of The Dominant’s View http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/06/13/new-edition-of-the-dominants-view/ http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/06/13/new-edition-of-the-dominants-view/#comments Fri, 13 Jun 2008 12:56:30 +0000 Thinking Dom http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/?p=39 Hello Everybody,
    Just a quick note to announce that the new edition of The Dominant’s
    View is now available at a computer new you!

    http://www.thedomsview.com

    The most important thing you should know is we now have a new Co-
    editor who will be sharing the job of running the zine and who will
    eventually take it over. Read more about that in the Editorial and
    learn about our new Co-editor in this issue’s D.O.M.

    Beyond that, we’ve gone back to our regular format as the zine will
    be published regularly again. So, this is what you’ll find this
    issue:

    Articles:
    Degradation by ShatteredSoul
    Busting the Myth Busters by Mistress Rana
    Us versus Them by LeatherProf
    Power Exchange: Strong Women Giving Power by Gev

    In the Dungeon Bill talks about Fisting

    Our columnists include:
    Getting Started with Rick Umbaugh
    Mistress’s Musings with Mistress Rana
    Switch’s Corner with Bill
    Sub Missives with Shadow

    We interview Mistress LunaSea a professional dominatrix, and you can
    look at the Chainsaw Chuck’s wonderful BDSM art. We have fresh
    erotica and some great articles in our Odds n Sods department.

    This is our first collaborative issue, and we both hope you will
    enjoy it and tell all your friends to come by to visit!

    We look forward to seeing you there!

    SG and Kayla
    Co-editors
    The Dominant’s View

    ]]>     http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/06/13/new-edition-of-the-dominants-view/feed/     Proverbial Brick Wall http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/06/03/proverbial-brick-wall/ http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/06/03/proverbial-brick-wall/#comments Tue, 03 Jun 2008 06:00:48 +0000 Thinking Dom http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/?p=36 You’ve come to a time in your Dominant development where you feel that you have nothing else to expand on and your abilities are as developed as you can get them. Where do you go from here? Do you concede that you just can’t do any more within the extent of your mind or emotions?

    Not exactly. Exploring limits is not just for the submissive. A dominant has just as much ability to expand and develop as a submissive. You can be more than you are. It takes effort and it takes a desire to see yourself as more than you are.

    Say for example that you aren’t content with yourself; that your control over your submissive has leveled out, things are going well but you want to do more, s/he has expressed a desire to go further but you just don’t know how. How do you get started in your own development?

    The next few posts will be about finding the next step and taking it.

    With every step you can find more about yourself that you can develop and work towards another dominant version of yourself. This is not a course to change who you are; it is a way to open up your vision to see who you already are. To develop yourself further.

    First lets think about why you feel stuck. Trust me, everyone has times like this. You may even be depressed about it. You may think that you aren’t really dominant and that this lifestyle isn’t for you. It could also be a turning point in your relationship.

    When did you begin to feel stuck in a rut?

    Where are you in your dominance?

    Try this writing exercise:

    Write down on paper the traits and descriptions of what you do now that make you a dominant. List activities you do as well as behaviors you have adopted. Star the ones that you feel are well developed and you have a good handle on. Take a look at the ones that do not have stars on them. Answer the following questions:

    1. What items on the list do you feel need to be developed more?
    2. How would these items enhance your strengthen your current relationship or character?
    3. Where could you get advice, knowledge or information about developing these skills?
    ]]>     http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/06/03/proverbial-brick-wall/feed/     Limits http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/04/10/limits/ http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/04/10/limits/#comments Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:00:25 +0000 Thinking Dom http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/04/10/limits/ Define your limits. Explain why you can’t or won’t go past that point and try to think about things that were once limits but are not any longer. This list can be a working list that you come back to often to update.

    ]]>     http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/04/10/limits/feed/     Dealing With Anger http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/03/27/dealing-with-anger/ http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/03/27/dealing-with-anger/#comments Thu, 27 Mar 2008 18:00:55 +0000 Thinking Dom http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/03/27/dealing-with-anger/
  • How do you express your disappointment with your partner? Has it ever led to anger?
  • How do you deal with your anger?
  • Whether it is directed or a result of something within your relationship or if it is outside forces, how do you release that anger?

    • I’m a talker. Others are silent introspective. I know still others that have to by physical in either exercise or sex. Everyone has their ways of dealing with anger.

    ]]>     http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/03/27/dealing-with-anger/feed/     Pain Giver http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/02/21/pain-giver/ http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/02/21/pain-giver/#comments Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:43:27 +0000 Thinking Dom http://www.the-iron-gate.com/thinkingdom/2008/02/21/pain-giver/ I read an interesting post the other day about the administration of pain and the sadistic dominant’s desire to inflict pain on the submissive. His exact question is: “Does a dominant want to hurt his submissive?” I was going to include my thoughts here for a moment, but I find that I don’t want to influence any one else’s.

    In thinking about this question try to join your thoughts with why you are or are not a sadist.

    • How does a dominant enhance the sensation of pain a submissive would feel?
    • What are your favorite forms of pain to inflict?
    • Describe what goes on in your mind during a pain session.
    ]]>     http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/02/21/pain-giver/feed/     Honesty http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/02/07/honesty/ http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/02/07/honesty/#comments Thu, 07 Feb 2008 18:00:39 +0000 Thinking Dom http://www.the-iron-gate.com/thinkingdom/2008/02/07/honesty/ It is almost a universal knowledge that dominants expect their submissives to be honest with them. There is a real push to have complete openness and honesty in a BDSM relationship. There is no doubt that an open mind and heart can help make sure that all people in the relationship are getting what they want and need. Also it is said that submissives need to be forthcoming, which is generally harder because submissives tend to keep things to themselves if they feel it will affect their relationship, cause punishment for bad behavior or may ruin an experience.

    I’ve read places that dominants are not held by the same requirement. What do you think? Should dominants also be honest with their partners? Should there be some level of secrecy in the dominant’s role?

    ]]>     http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/02/07/honesty/feed/     Favorites http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/01/24/favorites/ http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/01/24/favorites/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2008 00:37:18 +0000 Thinking Dom http://www.the-iron-gate.com/thinkingdom/2008/01/24/favorites/ Sharing your favorites may seem like childish games, but it could help you focus on what you’d like to offer in a D/s or M/s relationship. Try to answer these as honestly as possible.

    Favorite:

    • sexual position
    • bondage style (metal, rope, leather, etc)
    • impact toys
    • psychological play activity
    • non-sexual play
    • manners in a submissive
    • physical attributes
    • training methods
    • sexual orientation
    • domestic skills
    • special services
    • fetishes
    • outfits on a submissive
    • rules to enforce
    • beverage service
    • sexual service
    • behavior in public
    ]]>     http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/01/24/favorites/feed/     Politeness http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/01/10/politeness/ http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/01/10/politeness/#comments Fri, 11 Jan 2008 00:30:55 +0000 Thinking Dom http://www.the-iron-gate.com/thinkingdom/2008/01/10/politeness/ Manners and etiquette are an important part of a submissive’s training. From basic courtesy to rigid formal protocol they all have their place in a submissive’s experience. When it comes to teaching manners, it is the Dominant’s preference on how these manners are to be used.

    I like a more structured protocol, from the basic p’s and q’s to a proper apology format. I prefer submissives to use Sir or Madam rather than names as soon as they know this person or that identifies as a Dominant. It’s out of respect for me that they do it, not because they necessarily respect the Dom to which they are addressing.

    • What sort of manners do you prefer to see in a submissive?
    • If protocol is required, how do you begin training?
    • Why do you prefer a certain level of etiquette more than another?
    • How do you chastise a lapse in pleasantries?
    ]]>     http://thinkingdom.the-iron-gate.com/2008/01/10/politeness/feed/